How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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