I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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