I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
