I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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