My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
