I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
