she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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