woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
