just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
