I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
