I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
