from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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