So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
