i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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