I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
