did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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