pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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