I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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