Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
