why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
