A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
