I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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