remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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