I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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