I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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