u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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