ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
