He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
What a dumb baby whore.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
