Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
