I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
