I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
