I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
