Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
