Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
