1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
