I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
BRING THE BAGELS
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
