Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
