Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
