he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
it glows. i had to have it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
