Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
