i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
