wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
