I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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