dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
