there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
