why didn't you poke me back
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize