I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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