Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
