whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
