I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
