VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
