do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
