Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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