Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
