MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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