Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
