at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
