Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
