So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
