Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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