My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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