You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
