i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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