Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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