just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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