So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just found a bag of teeth...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
