is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Panties = found
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