you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
