so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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