I want to make a zoo with you.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just puked most of my soul out..
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
