we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
