What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
