You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
