I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
