Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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