GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
