don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
