why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
