Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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