New low: just hacked my moms facebook
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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