you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
