White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
