Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
