naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
