Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
