That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize