Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize