dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I deserve to be covered in dicks
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
