Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
