I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
