maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
