WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
