My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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