I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
