I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
