Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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