just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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