Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
