hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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