I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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