If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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