Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
