I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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