i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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