He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
